Hermit without a shell

I used to think that the greatest thing in the world would be to become a hermit somewhere.

I've had my share of jading experiences for sure. High School was one. I think I knew *everyone* at school. I was the quiet one that just observed and watched, and knew everything about everyone because I just sat back and saw it. Never an instigator, never wanted to get anyone into trouble - or get myself into trouble, but I knew an awful lot more than I let on, and than most people thought I knew. I'm not sure that everyone knew who I was, but I knew them. I think an easy way to put it would be this: When they were reading the names for graduation, I said them in my head without a list, and with preferred pronunciation or appropriate nicknames. But at the time, I didn't care to be around anyone. I had maybe two friends when I graduated.

My work environments haven't been much better with few exceptions. Certainly there were few relationships that existed outside of the office, and fewer still that lasted for any decent amount of time.

I have had a lot of exposure to crowds. I hate crowds. It doesn't seem to matter where they gather, but when they do, there is little by way of consideration or manners, and this both saddens me and makes me furious. My parents raised me to be courteous, hold a door for someone, say excuse me if you get in someone's way, and don't cut people off when you're walking. I can hardly ever seem to get the same kind of courtesy from people in a crowd - even from older people, parents, and those that are old enough to know better. Full disclosure, I find myself doing the same thing when I don't watch myself, so I get it. I don't think it's right, but I get it. Sometimes, the parents are the worst offenders! My Wife and I spend a lot of time at Disneyland in Anaheim, and while I love me some good people watching, the crowds are the pits! It never ceases to amaze me how horrible individuals can act in a crowd. From Adults running to get ahead of kids in a line, to what they do with their trash - it's just plain silly. However, it does reinforce the desire to go become a hermit somewhere.

And I've noticed, that perhaps to my own eventual detriment, that I've become much more boisterous about pointing out bad behavior in crowds that is just intolerable.

Walking through an attraction once, I noticed a teen sucking on the last of a pop-sicle when he wrapped the stick in the wrapper, and was noticeably looking for a place to put it. Lacking trash cans within arm's reach, he thought he was slick when he stuffed it in between the knots of a rope barrier, thinking no one had seen, and he was rid of his burden. He turned to talk to his family who was straggling behind, and when they caught up, he began to proceed on through the attraction. I got his attention, and asked him what he was going to do about the trash that he had left behind. With the fear of a scolded child, he grabbed his trash, and walked on - his mother could hardly believe her eyes. There's no reason for that kind of laziness.

I usually have little interest in much of anything that puts me in the middle of more than an intimate gathering. Concerts? I've got the CD. Movies? I'll wait for it on Bluray. Conventions? I'll read about it online. I'll take crowd-free any day of the week.

But recently, I have been learning the distinction between crowds and people. People are great. Individuals are simply amazing. Once you remove someone from the crowd, they become fascinating, intriguing, rewarding to be around. And I'm not even one that is constantly working the angle of what can you do for me - there are just those people that it is a pleasure to be around. I didn't find many of those when I was growing up, or in High School, or even inmost of the places that I have worked. Just one or two, here and there.

I am finding that Twitter, and to a lesser extent, Facebook ae helping me to be able to weed through the crowd, and find decent people with which I would enjoy hanging out. I hope to make that happen in the near future - especially with those who live further away. I think I've come to the point in my life, where I am realizing that being a hermit is not quite the thing for me, and that there exist a number of people with whom spending time with can be a good thing. My hope is that with just the little bit of digging that I've done, and have managed to find the quality and type of people that I've found thus far, that as my efforts increase, so does the quantity of really great people that surface.